Smoking in public isn’t really a new thing, per se. Concerts? Fine. Rooftop bars? Sure. Parks? Can you see the stars, man?
It’s always been an unspoken agreement between authorities and tokers—limited indifference is given when it’s limited people in a limited space wanting to have a good time. But with the U.S. slowly warming up to full legality, more everyday gentleman are bringing their smoke far beyond the confines of an outdoor Mumford show—without even looking over their shoulder.
Last week in the middle of a bright, sunny workday, I passed a man on New York City’s Park Avenue with a sheen European suit and Wall Street-glossed shoes talking on his cell phone about the Mets. It took my nose a second or two to notice he wasn’t just talking; he was smoking…a fully rolled spliff!
I took a minute to admire his brazenness, but what I quickly noted was this: There was no brazenness. Nothing. Not a lick of anxiety in his every drag. It was more than noteworthy. It was admirable.
How does one own such public brazenness with such fearless nonchalance? As it turns out, it’s not as hard as you might think.
Here are some rules of the road:
1. Don’t stand in a circle. This isn’t Sophomore year at the DMB show. If you’re going to smoke in a public place, don’t pass around the puff.
2. Don’t hide in a corner. You know who looks like someone doing something wrong? You do…in that small dark alley with that shady-looking hoodie on.
3. No bongs.
4. No pipes (unless it looks like it’s out of a Sherlock Holmes PBS miniseries).
5. Vape. It’s an easy and discreet way to get used to the crowds sniffing you out.
6. Go easy. Try not to be the guy coughing his lungs out, PLEASE.
7. Disregard stares and/or rolled eyes of the bourgeois. They’re not ready for your confidence. If you need a bit of a guise, just carry a coffee cup in your other hand (even if it is empty). No one will ever turn a head to the utter simplicity of the coffee/cigarette combo. It’s almost un-American if they do. Almost.
8. Come prepared. Don’t find yourself spending twenty minutes clumsily rolling a joint in the middle of the street or asking a stranger for a lighter (although it would be rather Tarantino-cool of you to have a random passerby spark up your joint, it’s probably ill-advised).
9. Go semi-local. If you harbor any shame, it’ll show all over your face. Find a place that you’re comfortable with, but that you don’t plan on seeing your way-too-curious next-door neighbor. There’s absolutely no reason to be dubbed a depraved druggie by Mrs. Farbowitz in Apartment 5G (even if you are one).
10. Own it. The noteworthy aspect of my man smoking a joint on Park Ave is that he was going on with his life as if there was nothing to it. And guess what? There isn’t. Enjoy it and the world will enjoy with you.
By Isaac Galena
